I was having dinner with my family, Ben and Mayu today and we were discussing my upcoming decision to travel around Malaysia, Singapore, Japan and Korea for about 2 months. The idea sounded pretty grand in being able to go back to where I was born with my dad to see my relatives and then go off on my own to visit a friend in Korea and then to Japan to explore.
A sinking feeling suddenly came upon me when I realized I would be away from home and even farther away from Ryan for a long period of time. I suddenly had a mild panic attack about having a panic attack in Asia on being homesick. Ridiculous as it sounds I realized my biggest concern was not going to be for my weak stomach or for the long flight, but the homesickness that was inevitable even though I would be at times with my dad or a friend.
I’d miss my own bed, my neighbourhood, my city and my dog, those things you take for granted: The everyday. I thought of bringing familiar foods or something with me along my travels to keep myself sane and then I realized that the only thing that would comfort me was Ryan. He is my everyday.
The concept of home and comfort came to mind and I came to the realization that wherever I would be and whatever kind of difficulties I was going through, I???d be okay because I had Ryan there for me just a phone call or text away. He soothes me and makes me feel at ease and he doesn???t even know it sometimes because I don???t tell him.
I know a few years down the road I might be abroad somewhere else and I know that my home will forever be where Ryan is and homesickness can be temporarily eased with just a phone call or text to him.